In one of my last blog reviews, I started out by revealing a few little truths about myself. And, as I think about the name of this strain, one of my slightly bigger secrets is all that comes to my mind. The last facts I told were things that would not be surprises to anyone who has spent time with me in real life. This current secret, however, if certain people were to hear it, they would possibly be somewhat shocked.
This week’s confession is that I can often be fiercely commitment-phobic. This is a personal fear I have that can manifest with respect to large scale, as well as, completely inconsequential commitments. For example, if a person asks me something like my favourite colour or my favourite song, I will freeze with panic and feel unable to make a choice. I am also the worst person to be standing behind in any type of food service line, because I will labour over the whole menu before I finally feel at peace with a commitment to an order. The root of the word “decide” means to cut yourself off from any other options, and this is probably the aspect of commitment that I dislike the most, the reality that picking one thing usually means that you can’t pick any other things. Although, any form of permanence also makes me greatly uncomfortable. For example, I love body art and I have multiple body piercings, however, even though I love tattoos, I have none of my own. I know most people are afraid to get tattoos because of the pain or the image, but I have never worked up the courage to get inked only because I’m afraid of the relative permanence of it. Now that I think about it, these fears of unchanging-ness have haunted me ever since I can remember. I can recall having reoccurring panic-stricken nightmares of never-ending pathways or running as fast as I can without ever moving, for most of my life. I don’t really know why, but just the thought of being stuck in a situation that isn’t easily changeable gives me a sense of losing control so intense, that I just reel with anxiety.
I am not far from being 30 years old, and it is an age at which most of the people that I know are going though huge life changes. Correspondingly, it can be really awkward for me to admit that I am afflicted with a touch of Gamophobia, which is also known as, the “fear of marriage” or lifelong commitments. Anytime I hear that people I know are getting married, buying homes, or having babies, I have to override my automatic panic response to remind myself that these are things that normal people actively want, and I should be expressing happiness, not remorse. Strangely enough though, the Universe did bring me a partner that I would not mind spending the rest of my life with. However, I would probably much rather keep “living in sin,” than end up signing legal papers to confirm our relationship. I do enjoy the idea of having some kind of celebration of love to unite friends and family, although ultimately, there is a good chance that I will never in my lifetime have a real white dress or a tiered wedding cake.
Luckily, I don’t need to be a bride to wear a kick-ass gown, and I don’t need to have a ceremony to indulge in a beautiful Cake. Not too long ago, I came across a strain that was suitable for more than just a single special occasion. Wedding Cake is a cross of two of Cookie Fam‘s confectionery legends, Girl Scout Cookies and Cherry Pie. Since many different producers potentially possess these seeds, this union of dank desserts is also known by the names: Birthday Cake, Birthday Cake Kush, or Pink Cookies. Regardless of the delicious titles, I simply just call this strain: the perfect strain, or the flower without any faults or flaws. I fell in love with this hybrid at first smell, and I was ready to be engaged after my first taste. Every time I purchased this strain I experienced scents and flavours that were very batter-like, boasting symphonies of vanilla and citrus, and also, accents of fresh earth and moss. Finally, after feeling the effects of Wedding Cake, I was ready to walk down the isle, tie the knot, and spend the rest of my life with just this flower.
Wedding Cake is a sugary flower that is always dressed head to toe in white, and her effects reflect the feelings of pure wedded bliss. After just a few puffs of the sweetest smoke I have ever tasted, I am hit with a strong sense of relaxation. This deep feeling of calmness and serenity is quickly overshadowed, however, by an encompassing wave of happiness, euphoria, and even giddiness, which makes me feel in the moment and as if all is right everywhere in the world. Despite the power of her high, Wedding Cake still presents with enough creativity, clear-headedness, alertness, and focus for me to remain productive in a range of activities after first partaking. Although, following the stimulating initial high, the effects of Wedding Cake may translate into extreme laziness or sedation, if you let them. Because Wedding Cake is a balanced hybrid with many facets, she is probably the only strain I know that I could use at literally any point in the day. In my experiences I have used this Cake as a productive wake-and-bake, as an aid for writing and inspiration, as a social smoke, as a tool to wind-down and relax, and as a before bedtime knock-out. Not only is this strain able to both wake me up and knock me down, but it also has an impressive amount of medical uses, for both physical and mental ailments. There is honestly nothing that I need from my weed that Wedding Cake is unable to provide, and for that reason, I am truly married to this strain.
It is absolutely true that making certain decisions or commitments can be paralyzing and even terrifying for me. Anytime I make any kind of choice, I choose with my heart and with my emotions, and I think that this why making any kind of wrong commitment can feel really devastating to me. For me, making a commitment can feel like a relinquishment of choice that translates to a feeling of losing control. However, I’ve also learned that not committing to one choice can turn into an even larger loss of control, since not choosing is ultimately still a choice. Luckily, being a person who makes their decisions based on their emotions can have some advantages. For example, when you feel like someone or something immediately stops your heart and takes a piece of it, you know instantly that moving towards that choice is the right decision. In my life many things have taken pieces of my heart, and when committing to those things, I don’t feel quite as overcome with anxiety. Having permanence can at times become a great comfort, especially when this one thing that is always around, is something that you know you love more than anything. Indeed, though I have no plans for a wedding, I have made huge commitments that may make my fears seem nonsensical. To me, a solid commitment doesn’t always require a marriage ceremony, however, it will probably always need to include a beautiful batch of Wedding Cake.