Even though there is a stretch of time left before Canada’s legalization date, the cannabis market has grown and proliferated by large magnitudes and truly changed before my eyes. Depending on where you are in the country, it is even possible to abjure back-alley dealings in favour of buying weed at cozy boutiques or through mail orders. Although foremost, it has been honestly a surreal experience for me to discover that there are strains in existence that can cater almost exactly to my unique and specific needs. If I were able to custom create effects for my very own ideal strain of weed, I would make it so that it:

• felt euphoric
• gave me an intense feeling of well-being and happiness
• detached me from anxiety and some inhibition to make me feel confident, as well as, socially and mentally free
• stimulated thought association to spark creativity
• gave me a sense of energy and motivation, without tiredness, in order to make the most of my days
• had some pain-relieving and appetite-stimulating properties

This may seem like a tall order for a simple odorous plant, although, one strain that I came across recently was able to check all of these boxes pretty flawlessly.

I am writing about this strain right now while staying in Montreal, and with no reliable grey market cannabis clubs in this city, I am forced to resort to a trusted network of comrades to obtain any THC-containing medicine. When meeting with my source, he seemed somewhat shocked and amused at how excitedly I had exclaimed “GREEN CRACK!” when I saw that he had some available. In response to my unsure reaction to his reaction, he clarified by saying that he thought the word “crack” might scare away some of his female customers, and hence was considering even possibly re-naming it to facilitate sales. I was personally not daunted by the connotations of the name, as this stuff is pure cannabis; and I had already learned from experience that this strain is everything that I want my sativa to be.

I first found Green Crack at Leaf dispensary in the beautiful bud-loving Victoria B.C. and picked up a modest 3.5 grams to give it a try. I make ends meet waiting tables, and I’m a little bit nuts, so I also choose to work the graveyard shift, mainly by my lonesome. One morning one of my best buds was coming in to relieve me and start the day shift, and I told her about some cool new weed I was about to try. She thought I was talking in codes and referencing something stronger than weed to end off my long night, but I assured her it was only just a name. I sparked up just outside my house and ending up dosing myself with a lot more than was needed; this stuff was potent. As soon as I got to my bedroom, I closed the door. I knew I was discernably high as I literally, and I mean literally, felt like I was grinning from ear to ear. I texted my buddy telling her that I couldn’t let anyone see me, because my face was a permanent smile and I couldn’t stop grinning. I was buzzing with a euphoria so strong I almost couldn’t believe it was just weed that I had rolled up. Lights were brighter, I wanted to burst out in a fit of laughter, but since I was alone in my bedroom, I ended up just sitting stiff as a board on the edge of my bed and staring at the wall, simply just letting my mind wander, with a stupid grin plastered on my face, for a crazy long time. It turns out that the original name for this strain was actually Cush, and none other than Snoop Dogg renamed it based on the effects that he felt, and I could definitely see where the inspiration came from. I really did not know weed could give you THIS MUCH energy and focus while feeling THIS good.

We were heading into the post-holiday slow season at the restaurant, and I was bored off my face at my job during that time. A lack of customers meant a lot of solitary time for me, and it also made the bulk of my job into tedious cleaning duties. I was very unmotivated to even show up for work, and I quickly realized Green Crack would be the perfect motivation for my mindless job. A few small tokes, and a few spritzes of perfume, and I was more energized to wait tables than any person should be. Each time I started my shift with this strain, I started out uncontrollably tidying everything up. I really couldn’t stop my hands from moving, everything needed to be put back in its place or I could not rest. Secondly, even though my job mainly consists of talking to people, I have a touch of social anxiety, and I sort of don’t like most people all that much. But, Green Crack had me in such a happy, uplifted good mood that I found myself excited to talk to and help people. It had me so laid-back and comfortable that I was even cracking jokes with customers, and I was somehow just effortlessly chatty; I felt like it lifted my anxiety and had me so thoughtlessly engaged in whatever I was doing. It was just a blessing for someone who is constantly overthinking things and randomly anxious to be able to just exist and be content. Lastly, although it is a big high to come down from, I didn’t feel myself get overly tired or even too irritable. As long as I got myself a decent snack and a touch of sugar or caffeine, I was fine to chug on for the next few hours of the night.

Green Crack is the strain I want for almost every situation. The only caveats are that this experience is extremely cerebral, so I never use it as a night-time strain because I know it won’t give me the best possible sleep. I also don’t find it super optimal for zoning into some T.V. because my thoughts become too distracting, and time can get extremely distorted. I’m also not sure if Green Crack is super effective for all types of pain, but it does make you forget completely about it for a little while. All in all, I would not hesitate to call this one of my all-time favourite strains, one I never hesitate to purchase anytime I see it around. It’s definitely not crack, but the all-around perfectness of this sativa can get addicting.

2017-05-06